Terms and Conditions ("Terms"),
Privacy ("Privacy")

Last updated: January 21, 2016

Please read these Terms and Conditions ("Terms", "Terms and Conditions") carefully before using this website (the "Service") operated by three goats in a trench coat pretending to be a human ("us", "we", or "our"). We're already off to a bad start since you had to load the entirety of this website in order to read the Terms.

Regardless of how absurd this is, your access to and use of the Service is conditioned on your acceptance of and compliance with these Terms. These Terms apply to all visitors, users and others who access or use the Service.

By accessing or using the Service you agree to be bound by these Terms. If you disagree with any part of the terms then you may not access the Service. For best results, return all of the bytes you downloaded and forget you ever came to this site.

Links To Other Web Sites

Our Service contains links to third-party web sites or services that are not owned or controlled by ianmaddox.com.

ianmaddox.com assumes no responsibility for the content, privacy policies, or practices of any third party web sites or services. You further acknowledge and agree that ianmaddox.com shall not be responsible or liable, directly or indirectly, for any damage or loss caused or alleged to be caused by or in connection with use of or reliance on any such content, goods or services available on or through any such web sites or services.

We strongly advise you to read the terms and conditions and privacy policies of any third-party web sites or services that you visit. We know you won't, but at least you're reading ours. Scroll down for your reward.

Governing Law

These Terms shall be governed and construed in accordance with the laws of Washington state, United States, without regard to its conflict of law provisions.

Our failure to enforce any right or provision of these Terms will not be considered a waiver of those rights. If any provision of these Terms is held to be invalid or unenforceable by a court, the remaining provisions of these Terms will remain in effect. These Terms constitute the entire agreement between us regarding our Service, and supersede and replace any prior agreements we might have between us regarding the Service.

Changes

We reserve the right, at our sole discretion, to modify or replace these Terms at any time. If a revision is material we will try to provide at least 15 seconds notice prior to any new terms taking effect. Notice is typically provided by one of the goats squealing loudly. You agree to be within earshot of the goats at all times if you wish to recieve notice of changes. What constitutes a material change will be determined at our sole discretion.

By continuing to access or use our Service after those revisions become effective, you agree to be bound by the revised terms. If you do not agree to the new terms, please stop using the Service.

Cookies

We may be using cookies. 3rd parties may also send cookies to your browser. Big scary cookies. We cannot be held responsible if these cookies sneak out of your computer and drink your milk straight from the carton. Cookies are evil like that.

Fun fact about cookies: If a malicious site wanted to track you, cookies are about the most pedestrian tool at their disposal. These legal blurbs never go into the more pernicious approaches to uniquely identifying site users such as browser fingerprinting, Flash cookies, Silverlight cookies, device IDs, canvas fingerprinting, Evercookies, DOM storage, and several others. If cookies scare you, these others should terrify you. One solution is to put your computer in the oven on a self-cleaning cycle to eliminate any possibility of web tracking.

Parody

Our lawyers have informed us that if you don't understand parody (especially legalese parody), you are barred from using this Service. Further, any actions taken by your no-sense-of-humor-having-duff such as baking a laptop computer will be deemed your own damn fault.

Disclosure

We do not sell, trade, or otherwise transfer to outside parties your personally identifiable information, except when you send us an email with that info in it. Even then, we wouldn't sell your data. Seriously, do you think there is a profit in that? If you don't want us to have your personal info, just don't send it in the contact form.

We may release information gathered through the site when we believe release is appropriate to comply with the law, enforce our site policies, or protect ours or others rights, property, or safety. However, non-personally identifiable visitor information may be provided to other parties for analytical, statistical, egomaniacal, or other uses. See also: Google Analytics

Google Analytics

If we are using Google Analytics, one or more of the following features may be implemented:

• Remarketing with Google Analytics
• Google Display Network Impression Reporting
• Google Analytics Demographics and Interest Reporting
• Integrated services that require Google Analytics to collect data via advertising cookies and anonymous identifiers

Feel free to opt out.

Contact Us

If you have any questions about these Terms, use the contact form.

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